Plague

So... I have the plague.  No, seriously.  I have the plague.  I've said this to colleagues and friends, and they always kind of laugh and back away as if they don't want to catch a cold.  Yeah... I actually have the plague.  OK... so, perhaps that's a bit of an exaggeration.  But I do have a particularly nasty boil, perhaps carbuncle. What is a carbuncle, you ask?  It is a cluster of boils.  I only think it's that because this chunk on my leg being eaten alive by god's wrath and vengeance is freaking huge.  HUGE. 

Anyway, you might be wondering how one gets the plague, er, boil.  Well, it can happen due to an ingrown hair (wtf?) or many other ways. How did I get it?  Well, that's a fun one.  See, I in fact thought that I might have an ingrown hair on my leg!  There was this red spot, about the size of a pencil eraser that just wouldn't go away.  Finally, a bit of, well, you know, pus came out.  Well, a couple days later, still not better.  Now, you may not know this, but I have a Ph.D.  Really.  I do.  I promise.  And this is the moment when I threw it out the window.  I took a safety pin and "picked" at that spot.  Several times.  I even thought "it won't be too bad if I use my lighter to 'clean' it."  Except I couldn't find my lighter. Meh.  No problem.  I used it anyway.  That spot the size of a pencil eraser swelled up to become the size of a quarter.  And it's swollen, red, nasty, and PAINFUL.

Smart move.  I'm brilliant.

UPDATE:  Had to have surgery.  A year later, and the scar is WICKED!

Beetle Save

OK... so I told this story to one of my classes, and someone said that I should write this type of thing down like a short story, so that's what I'm going to do.  This is about my act of heroism to save a beetle as I was walking to my car the other day.  I thought that saving a bug made me weird.  Nope, apparently people save bugs all the time.  Awesome!  I think it is perhaps the internal dialogue that took place afterwords that makes me weird... anyhoodle... we'll get to that.

I was leaving work after classes and office hours and was walking to my car.  It's a lovely day outside... sunny, cool, and just plain gorgeous.  So... I'm sauntering down the sidewalk when I notice a little black beetle.  The poor thing is on its back it's little buggy legs frantically scrambling in the air in an attempt to push itself over.  I paused and looked around.  Looked around?  For what?  I don't know.  Apparently I was awaiting a little buggy squadron to come help... or figured that people would wonder what the hell I was doing and judge me.  Really, I have no idea.  That's when I decide to help the little guy get on his feet.

I'm wearing black boots, and my first attempts to help involve nudging his side with my boot to try to give him a little shove onto his feet.  The first few attempts are just worthless.  His buggy legs seem to get even more frantic in movement.  Next thought... maybe I can get his feet to stick to the bottom of my shoe, and then he can flip himself over.  Apparently my thoughts were that all bugs can just stick to things... you know... like a fly walks up a wall or on the ceiling?  Obviously, the panic of the little bug of a ginormous black thing coming down towards him completely obliterated any attempt at saving him in that manner.  I realized I was going to have to get close to the guy. 

I don't want to touch the beetle with my hand, because I don't have sanitizer.  So, I look around, and see some pine needles nearby.  I pick a few pine needles up and use them to gently push the little beetle over onto his feet.  I don't know what I expected after that, but I stood there and looked at the beetle for a moment.  He just stood there.  Yes, I am assuming it was a male beetle.  He is still just standing there.  I decide to go ahead and leave but am thinking that he better move soon or someone might step on him accidentally.  I look back (seriously, I looked back) and saw he was still just standing there.  This is where the weirdness known as me comes in.

I decide he still hasn't moved because he's shocked a ginormous creature, a human, has just stopped and helped him instead of stepping on him.  I literally imagine a little beetle dialogue in my head... "Wow.  Those big things aren't usually nice like that.  They usually step on us.  That was nice!"  I smile to myself thinking that I have just helped a little beetle and imagining how thankful he is.  On the bright side, I did not imagine the beetle had this unique voice or dialect.  That weirdness, at least on this day, was not to be found, I am proud to say!

So, I've discovered since this day that saving insects' lives is not that uncommon.  I'm glad to hear that.  Look, I'll stop in the middle of a road and help a turtle across.  Whether he wants it or not, dammit!  I mean, I take in the direction he appeared to be heading at least.  But I was surprised to see other people even helped insects.  I draw the line, however, at roaches and spiders.  *Shiver*  No way.

Tweedle-lee-dee

I'm funny. Dammit, I know I'm funny. Sometimes unintentionally. Sometimes on purpose. But why can't I think of things to post on my blog? I look at the screen and my brain seems to take a vacation. It thinks: "Pretty colors. What are my cats doing? This TV show is boring. I'm tired. Do I have ADD? Am I just insane?" Yup. Stuck on that point. I have to say, I read the blog Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh regularly. I love it. It's fucking hysterical. Ooooohhh. Fuck. Said it twice. But dammit, I'm an adult, I'm allowed to talk how I want. Of course, if this blog ever becomes something that people actually read, my mom will read this and say something about how the family could see it and we don't want to swear in front of family. :P Bah. They're just words, people. Maybe I should make up new swear words. Hmm... that could be interesting. But... do I take words that are already in existence and convince people to start thinking of them as curse words or do I make up new words? There's a thought.... Flirk. Nah... too close to fuck. Perft. Hmm... I kind of like that one. Perft. It's my new word. Now... to get it to catch on. I will have to work on that.

What the perft are you doing? Hee hee hee. It makes me giggle at least. That's a bonus. OK... so I will have to think of stories and curse words. Working on that. Tomorrow I have auditions for a play, and then I have rehearsal for the musical I'm in. Busy day. We'll see how that perft goes. Hee. Love it.

Slacker

Crap. Now the "Amadeus" tune is in my head to "I'm a slacker." :P I keep meaning to write more often, even once a day, but this is clearly not working to my liking. Especially because I have so much that I would like to write. I suppose I just need to set aside a time to do it. I am SO not good at that type of thing. Organizing my day into a timeline. I can follow what time I am supposed to teach which class and when my meetings are, but after that, not so much. And because of that I have nothing interesting to say. I mean, really, what the hell should I talk about now? I said last time I would discuss the tragic mess that is The Last Airbender. That would take too much time that I just don't feel like putting in right now. Now, Inception, an absolutely amazing movie, should also be discussed. But that one most definitely deserves a good amount of time spent on it. So....




I really need to come up with an idea for this damn blog. I know I can provide some funny stories from my personal experiences. But I need to do more than that. Now if I were an English professor, I would provide excerpts of the horrendous and incorrect grammar or just strange comments. But in Spanish, they don't get that type of opportunity since they are just trying to write simple sentences. The only other thing I can think of is looking at products with the dumbest/asinine directions, but I feel like that's been done enough already. Bah. I need time to think. I honestly cannot think of anything right now. Nada. But I will leave tonight with one of those products with bad instructions/comments.

My only thought on this is the following: I was unaware that there were edible candles.

I'm an Eiron

I am clearly too tired. I was trying to think of what to post, and I looked at the title of this blog. Think the song "Amadeus." Now imagine that to that tune, you are hearing this in your head... "I'm an eiron, I'm an eiron...I'm an eiron... I'm an eiron, I'm an eiron... I'm an eiron... I'm an eiron, I'm an eiron... I-I-I-I'm an eiron!" Wow. And it makes me giggle too. I am definitely way too tired.

Anyhoodle... I actually have already started this blog somewhere else, but it was too convoluted. I had posts in Spanish, posts in English, and absolutely no cohesion between the blog title, the web address, and the posts in English. Thus... I have this one. Indeed, any post that is dated before this one has been moved from the other blog to here so that it makes more sense. Just so you know. You... the only person reading this... who is me.... Hmmm. I need to work on that apparently. I suppose I can tell my friends, and then if they find it amusing, they'll tell their friends, and so on. Who the hell knows.

So.... are you wondering what in the world is an eiron? Fun stuff. It is a greek term, a stock character in old Greek comedies. He generally knocked down the braggart (the alazon) by making himself appear as less than he actually is. The word "irony" is derived from this character. I thought maybe I could use this because I can be kinda funny. And you know, the eiron appears in comedies. Also, he was considered by Aristotle to be a self-depreciator. Well, I am totally that. All the way. I'd add false ignorance, but there are times when my brain really does shut off, and I ask/say the dumbest things. But other than those times, I actually am intelligent. I promise. I have a Ph.D. to prove it. Hmm. I suppose that could just suggest I'm a good con artist, but let me tell you, I am the worst liar. Heh. Truly.

And I'm done for now. I want to watch TV and then go to sleep. Later kids.